A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do. MOM : Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thing. SON : got my nose in her armpit. Now what?

Sex is a sensation caused by temptation when a man puts his location in a woman's destination. Do u get my explanation, or do u need a demonstration?!

 There is Hot-sex, Fast-sex, Group-sex, Safe-sex, Leather-sex, Telephone-sex, and for people with your face ...NO SEX !

Sex is like pizza. When its good, its VERY GOOD. When its bad, its Still pretty good!!

  I wish I were a ring Upon my girlfriend's hand, 'Cause everytime she'd wipe her rear I'd see the promised land....

Are these your eyes, I found them between my breasts!

Hello!Im a little alien called Kan.I have taken the form of a mobile
phone- your phone.And during this message I have been having sex with
your thumb!

I once had a ONE-2-ONE night with a VIRGIN.She teased me till i got an ERICKSON.sucked me till my face went ORANGE till i busted my load of SEIMEN over her NOKIAS.

I hereby place u under arrest 4 violating code 69 - distracting public with ur xtreme good looks & sex appeal, remain silent & report 2 my bedroom.

A man was looking at a painting 4 a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing & he answered - waitng 4 autumn.

GUY: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. GAL: If I see you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

I do not have the muscles of Stallone, I am not as handsome as Brad Pitt, I am not as strong as Schwarzenegger, but I can lick as good as Lassie!!!

  Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt N a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off. I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom.

American students say : people who never experience good sex and do not perform well in bed, usually read their SMS messages with their right hand.

A guy walks up to a girl and says: Wanna play *Magic*? She says: What's that? He says: We go to my place, have sex and than you disappear!